Can I ask you something? Is there a moment from your past that still makes you wince when it pops into your head? A choice you wish you could take back. Words you wish you hadn’t said. A season you wish you’d handled differently.
I think most of us have at least one. And I’ve noticed something about myself: I can forgive the people I love for almost anything, but when it comes to forgiving me, I hold on tight. If that sounds familiar, come sit with me for a few minutes.
Why It’s So Hard to Let Ourselves Off the Hook
Sometimes we hold on because we think the guilt keeps us from repeating the mistake. Sometimes we hold on because we believe we don’t deserve to feel better yet. And sometimes we just never learned how to be gentle with ourselves.
But here’s what I’ve come to believe: carrying shame doesn’t make us better people. It just makes us tired. Real growth happens when we can look at what we did with honesty and compassion at the same time.
Remember Who You Were Then
The woman who made that choice was doing her best with what she knew, what she had and what she was carrying at the time. You know more now. You’ve grown. It isn’t fair to judge her with knowledge she didn’t have yet.
Try picturing her as a friend who came to you for comfort. What would you say to her? I’m willing to bet it would be much kinder than what you’ve been saying to yourself.
Gentle Steps Toward Self-Forgiveness
- Name it. Write down what you’re still holding against yourself. Seeing it on paper often makes it smaller.
- Take responsibility without punishment. “I made a mistake” is honest. “I am a mistake” is not.
- Make amends if you can. If someone was hurt, an apology or a changed behavior can help heal both of you.
- Notice what you learned. Every painful lesson carries something you can use going forward.
- Pray about it, if that’s part of your life. Grace isn’t something we earn. It’s something we receive.
It’s a Practice, Not a Moment
You might forgive yourself today and feel the old shame creep back next week. That’s okay. Forgiveness is often something we choose again and again until it finally settles in.
A Journal Prompt for You
What would I say to a friend who carried what I’m carrying? Write it down, and then read it back to yourself, slowly.
You deserve the same grace you give so freely to everyone else, friend. I hope you start offering it to yourself today.
Want a little more support along the way? My two journals, Nurturing Your Soul: A Guide to Practicing Self-Care and The Mindful Journey Journal, are available on Amazon.
